trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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