just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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