I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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