I could make wine with my vomit
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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