I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
