fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
