It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
