I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
