I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize