i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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