can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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