Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
did i walk over a car last night?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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