If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
