so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
