Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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