who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
