remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
