who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
