Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
