he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
