Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
