and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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