never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
