Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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