dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
