Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
