Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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