people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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