If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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