ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize