And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
