I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
God, I missed his penis.
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