Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
