i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
