so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
