he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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