I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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