there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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