you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
