i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
