Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
