I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
