1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
