I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
