I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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