my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
