So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
