Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
