gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
