We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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