Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
