Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
