When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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