Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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