Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
