do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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