Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
