dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
