I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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