First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There are leaves in my underwear?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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