No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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