I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
