that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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