Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
