Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
