The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
