its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
